How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
