What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
