remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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