fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
