I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
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I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart