Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo