i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person