I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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