I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.