Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
