Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
