If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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