wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
