I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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