I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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