I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
