Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
