I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
