Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
