Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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