I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
