the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
