just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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