so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
