Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
