Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
