If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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