I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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