Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So many bounce houses so little time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
