wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
