I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just cropdusted the office
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
