she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
