Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
