ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
