I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
