you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
