o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A bitchslap is in order.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
