I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
