see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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