im about as happy as oj after his trial
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
