I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
