Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
