I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
