I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
