i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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