2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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