The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
