i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
