Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
