were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
