Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
