I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
