I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
