you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
