Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
