her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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