I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
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Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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