My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
