I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
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