im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
