I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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