kristin has been a bad kristin
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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