Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
