my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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