We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
