hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
