A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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